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Colbert Report: Just How Much Does McCain Love the Middle Class?
Posted on October 24th, 2008 by ZP Heller -

Looks like what Joe the Plumber and Wendy the Waitress need are tax cuts for the wealthy and offshore drilling.  The only person John McCain isn’t talking about is George the President.

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    My fellow Americans:

    I want to thank my supporters for your mindless support of me, despite my blind faith in the failed policies of the Bush Administration and my status as a sidekick. I thought I had fooled you by claiming to be a maverick, but I think most of you saw through that and realized it was early onset of dementia.

    I want to thank President-elect Obama for not pointing out how immoral I am and bringing my adulterous affair with Cindy while I was still married to my first wife, and how I dumped her despite her waiting for me the whole time I was treated like royalty in the Hanoi Hilton. It was nice of her to wait, but after her accident and her getting fat, I couldn't stay with her, especially when Cindys family has so much money, and all the beer I can drink.

    I also like how my supporters claim my time as a Prisoner of War makes me uniquely qualified to be President. If that's all it takes, we have thousands of qualified candidates. Most of them don't have the money to do this though, and I did!

    Your blind following of me because I claim to be pro-life is amazing, especially considering I've done nothing in my 20 plus years in the Senate to support that stance.

    I would also like to thank the Bonanno family (my Mafia friends) for their continued monetary support, and my friend Charles Keating (Keating 5) for allowing his nephew, Joe Wurzelbacher, to come out as Joe the Plumber and try to make an issue out of something that wasn't. President Bush and I did our best to take from the poor and give to the rich, so it's only right that President Obama take from the rich and give to the poor. We like to call it socialism so we can get elected, but in reality it's the right thing to do for the American people. If I'd been elected, my rich friends would have gotten even richer at the expense of the poor and middle class. Not that I give a damn, since I'm rich. I have 9 homes, 13 cars, and a jet. You think I give a rats ass about the middle class?

    I'd also like to thank President Bush for not supporting me. God knows I don't need that kind of help. He's the most hated President since... well, I don't know that any President has been that hated! I still support the war, despite the fact we had no proof that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, or any ties to Al Qaeda. We actually should have called them weapons of mass distraction, cause our goal was basically to take down Saddam Hussein since W's daddy couldn't. And once we started calling everyone a terrorist, it was so much fun we just couldn't stop.

    Thank You again for your blind support.

    We almost hoodwinked the American public into giving us 4 more years of Bush policies!


    John McCain
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    On a scale of degree of lies, Obama is a professional socialpath lier. Politics aside, Obama lied about getting public campaign financing--this is just the beginning. No one knows where he gets at least 1/3 of his money from, probably from people who deal with drugs. Also, he used his childhood history as a big promoting factor, whereas he didn't even visit his mother until after she died of cancer. He has never visited his aunt on his father's side. Now he made a show to have visited his grandmother for less than a day.
    If you watched Charlie Rose and the commentator David (I can't recall the last name), the entire time Obama was in the Senate, he was never there for any meeting or decision making. He was never around. He does not have a good reputation in the Senate.
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    Joe the plumber , you mean Joe the unlicensed back tax oweing guy who wouldnt make a pimple on a real plumbers a** ? You gotta be kidding me ! Heard he got a recording contract, LMAO ! Good you dont need to pass a test or have a license for that ! I wouldnt let him hook up my garden hose !
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    On a scale of degree of lies, Obama is a professional socialpath lier. Politics aside, Obama lied about getting public campaign financing--this is just the beginning. No one knows where he gets at least 1/3 of his money from, probably from people who deal with drugs. Also, he used his childhood history as a big promoting factor, whereas he didn't even visit his mother until after she died of cancer. He has never visited his aunt on his father's side. Now he made a show to have visited his grandmother for less than a day.
    If you watched Charlie Rose and the commentator David (I can't recall the last name), the entire time Obama was in the Senate, he was never there for any meeting or decision making. He was never around. He does not have a good reputation in the Senate.
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    On a scale of degree of lies, Obama is a professional socialpath lier. Politics aside, Obama lied about getting public campaign financing--this is just the beginning. No one knows where he gets at least 1/3 of his money from, probably from people who deal with drugs. Also, he used his childhood history as a big promoting factor, whereas he didn't even visit his mother until after she died of cancer. He has never visited his aunt on his father's side. Now he made a show to have visited his grandmother for less than a day.
    If you watched Charlie Rose and the commentator David (I can't recall the last name), the entire time Obama was in the Senate, he was never there for any meeting or decision making. He was never around. He does not have a good reputation in the Senate.
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    Dear friend,

    you know that we had our different views on certain political subjects I have to ask you for a favor.

    The polls are really looking bad for me and Sarah and God knows what we tried to change the opinion of the American people but Obama has powerful friends in the Muslim world who are sitting on our oil and squeezing the remaining Dollars out of the hands of our middle class.

    I am desperate. I tried everything but the Arabs' money is just too much. I fear, Obama will win the elections if not a miracle happens.

    So I beg you to help me, be a white patriot at least and support me and Sarah. You know that my campaign has proof Obama is not a natural born American citizen and therefore can not be elected president. The Democrat Philip J. Berg and Michael Savage found out that Obama lied about his birth certificate but nobody listens.

    I appeal to your honor as member of our white race to support us and spread everywhere that Obama is not a natural born American. It's my last hope to safe America from Muslims and Negroes after my campaign failed to bring the information to the American people that Obama is a Muslim, a terrorist friend and a guaranteed tax raiser.

    Don't be a cunt, help me!
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    On a scale of degree of lies, Obama is a professional socialpath lier. Politics aside, Obama lied about getting public campaign financing--this is just the beginning. No one knows where he gets at least 1/3 of his money from, probably from people who deal with drugs. Also, he used his childhood history as a big promoting factor, whereas he didn't even visit his mother until after she died of cancer. He has never visited his aunt on his father's side. Now he made a show to have visited his grandmother for less than a day.
    If you watched Charlie Rose and the commentator David (I can't recall the last name), the entire time Obama was in the Senate, he was never there for any meeting or decision making. He was never around. He does not have a good reputation in the Senate.
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Robert Greenwald
director/producer/activist
produced/directed Iraq for Sale
ZP Heller
editorial director
Brave New Films
Jonathan Kim
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